Declaring Your Dreams

In the days and weeks since leaving full-time employment I have spent many hours figuring out what comes next. Going from a structured day to being in charge of my own time was quite the tailspin. There was such a strong pull to jump in and get to work. 

But what does that look like? 

Where do I put my energy and my focus first? 

What do I want my days to look like?

There are so many projects that have been on my heart for what feels like forever. Where do I even begin to choose what takes priority over others?

I went for the obvious and “responsible” things first. I built a workspace that could sustain what I am hoping to build, and that would allow me to be comfortable in the hours that would be spent in creation.

Next I spent hours upon days working on my website. I would, after all, need a foundation, a home for what I would be co-creating with spirit. I had no idea what I wanted it to look like. No idea what options, buttons, and color schemes would be best. 

Is the spacing between this section and the next more pleasing to the eye? Does each page translate from one device to another? Does every link and every button go to where it’s intended?

I was overwhelmed with the minutiae of it all, watching as my work days passed seemingly in the blink of an eye. 

How do I build the resonance that has been echoing in my heart these many years?

Soon what once seemed tedious became loving.

What once felt overwhelming became familiar.

What once didn’t exist now is a space that is revered and cherished. 

A space that I’ve nurtured and loved to the best of my ability. A space that is almost to its first stage of completion.

As I become closer and closer to “launching” this new space, I have found myself somewhat protective of it. Like a child you have raised, not ready to send them to be dismissed or mocked in the harshness of the world. 

It wasn’t until a recent session with my therapist that I truly knew where this protectiveness was coming from. It was such a simple question, but profound truths can often be found in the simpleness of things.

“Now that you’re getting close to being done with your website, how are you feeling about it?” Her eyes met mine on the screen. I suddenly found myself emotional. I could feel that familiar sting as the tears formed in my eyes.

“I declared my departure from my job to pursue my dreams in a very public way.  I’ve put a lot of time and energy and passion into this space. What if it’s not enough? What if it’s not good enough, meaning I’m not enough? What if people see what I’ve been working on and think that “this” is what I quit my job for? Declaring my dreams in such a public way, I feel this sense of immense pressure to succeed.”

She sat patiently as I talked my way through it, reminding me that I’m creating in an intentional and vulnerable way.

“I cannot in any way discount the absolute universal Divine timing that led me to where I am now. So many things lined up in a specific way that put me on this path at this moment in time and being willing to take that unnerving leap. I know this is what I’m meant to be doing.”

“What’s different in your business now?”

“I’ve had my business and my previous website for over five years, but it was always secondary to everything else. I put in just enough time and energy to keep it going. Everything was done with the mindset of it being good enough for now. This time I’m putting all of my energy into it. I’m being intentional with every step. Nurturing every aspect.”

With that, it was all put into perspective.

I can’t explain it. It just feels different this time. There’s more realness to it. I feel more present and in a way more attached. 

As I sit and write these words I feel a call to surrender and let it go to the universe. As if what I’m building isn’t truly mine to begin with but a vehicle in which spirit will use to carry out the work..

As I previously stated, I declared my dreams in a public way and I feel it’s only fitting that I share the journey in all its many stages. From sheer confidence and belief in knowing with a sense of surety that I’m taking all of the right steps, to stumbling on what comes next. Even the questioning of, “What have I done?” that sprinkles itself in from time to time.

Even when you’re sure from deep inside of you that what you’re doing is right, doubt can still creep in. Sometimes quietly when you’re second guessing minor details of your dream. At other times doubt can scream so loudly that it can stop you cold. 

One blessing of publicly declaring my dreams and my intentions for the future is that I can’t back down now. I can’t stop going or talk myself out of this direction as I have so easily done countless times before. There’s a sense of accountability now. A sense of needing to show up, to be true to my word that I’m doing what I said I would. Now it’s about keeping the promise to myself. And for once, that is my priority.

So what do I want my days to look like now that I’m in charge of my time?

I want them to be authentic, intentional, and true to myself.

I want them to be slow, and soft, and nurturing.

I want to spend my days connecting soul to soul.

I want them to be shared with others that find themselves on similar paths no matter what stage of their journey they may find themselves on. 

If you’ve found yourself here and we’ve connected in any way, I want you to know that I am incredibly grateful for you. I love you, and I’m excited to take the next part of our journeys together.

As Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

With love, 

Amy